


Another emo love story

by x_asexuality_x



Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla (Web Series) RPF, Carmilla - All Media Types, Carmilla - J. Sheridan Le Fanu
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Cute, Cute Ending, Cutesy, Endgame Laura Hollis/Carmilla Karnstein, F/F, Fast Build, Fluff, Meet-Cute, POV Carmilla, Smut, fast burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-04-23
Packaged: 2018-10-11 19:49:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 6,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10472853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_asexuality_x/pseuds/x_asexuality_x
Summary: Carmilla, Hollstein. Mostly fluff, some angst and quite a bit off smut. High school AU. Trigger warning: self harm and mental illness. Carmilla is struggling with mental illness but then she meets Laura.





	1. Vodka

I puffed out a cloud of smoke from the spliff I was holding in between my fingers and repeatedly sparked the lighter in my left hand. The song Burn Bright by My Chemical Romance blasted through my the speaker laid against my stomach and a bottle of vodka lay on the blanket to my right. I had laid out the blanket in the middle of the clearing in the woods so that I could look up into the trees and contemplate life; it is my quiet place, I'm the only one who knows about the clearing or at least ever comes here. It is away from everything in the middle of a vast forest. I had found the clearing when i was eight and had been going there ever since, never telling anyone where I was going or that the clearing ever existed, anyone that I ever tell would have to really special and no one has ever been special enough to me.

I dropped the lighter on the blanket and adjusted the pillow that I had propped behind my head. My hand reached down for the sealed bottle of vodka, across my body. The warmth of vodka and weed on a breezy April night could always cheer me up and calm me down: it cleansed me of anxiety and cleared me of the numbness of depression, something that no human being could ever do. I can't help but picture the day when a girl would come into my life and ignite those reactions, a girl that acts like a drug: the same rush of dopamine, the same hit of adrenaline, the same rebellious feeling, the kind of thing that rids the demons from my mind. I want to meet someone who can make me feel like a princess, not that I deserve that. I want someone to treat like a princess: buy roses, take out to fancy restaurants, sit at with with cuddling on the bed and to hold and kiss. I want someone better than all the drugs, alcohol and caffeine in the world, I want to be able to get through a day without those things. There's nothing more draining than depression; the empty numbness, losing all motivation. Sometimes I lose the motivation to do everything, I even have to battle with my brain to allow me to close my eyes at night, I just stare at the ceiling for hours on end. Once I stayed awake for five hours and got no sleep, I was awake when my alarm went off at seven in the morning. Anxiety makes me a nervous wreck, nothing is simple. For me days, weeks, months, years, are less like time and more like obstacles, hurdles in the way of happiness. But hey being a useless stoner, alcoholic seems to make it better. I don't just want someone to make it all better, I need someone to make it all better.

I inhale a deep puff smoke again and exhale, slowly before taking another sip from the bottle of vodka. You could say that I am wasting my time, sitting for hours and getting drunk and stoned but it makes me feel good and no one has ever suggested anything better for me to do with my lousy fucking time. I put the vodka back down on the blanket and reach with that hand past my signature leather pants and into my underwear. I stimulate my clitoris, moaning in ecstasy before entering my vagina with my fingers, making a beckoning motion. Whilst inhaling smoke from my spliff again I insert another finger into my vagina and move my hand back and forth before orgasm.


	2. Bathroom

Another day in this hell hole we call school, great! My hands left the steering wheel of my car and grabbed for my bag and coffee before opening the door. After downing the rest of my coffee and throwing the paper cup in the trash before making a b-line to the bathroom. Once there and free of smoke detectors I sparked my lighter and lit the spliff in my left hand. Whilst looking into the mirror, spanning across the wall and check my pristine eyeliner wings and adjust my studded belt. I take another puff of smoke and exhale as someone walks in; I didn't recognize her, I'm not sure but I think she's new. She is wearing a shirt with navy and white stripes and had and mousy brown, almost blonde hair, that's all I saw. I inhaled more of the weed as I started to hear her softly cry.

I faintly knocked on the door and asked "are you okay?" She didn't reply, I could just hear her muffled cry, "hey" I tried again "seriously are you okay?"

I heard her stand up and then the click of the lock on the stall door and I see her wipe her caramel brown eyes with a piece of toilet paper that she had bunched up in her hands. Then I hear a cracked and broken voice say "no, shit, no I'm not," I reached my hand out and offer her a puff of my weed. She took the spliff out of my hand and brought it up to her mouth before lightly inhaling and soon after started violently coughing.

"Oh miss goody two shoes! Never smoked weed before have you?" I asked but it was more of a statement than a question. She shook her head in response, like a deer in headlights. "I'm Carmilla," I began, "Karnstein".

She placed the spliff back in between my fingers delicately, "I'm Laura," she stated, "Hollis and thanks by the way, and oh yeah no, I have never smoked weed."

I inhale again between puckered lips, "Why is that then Laura Hollis?"

"My dad's a police officer," Laura exclaimed, rather suddenly.

"What, oh my sweet baby Jesus SHIT!"

"Hey," Laura said, "don't think I'm a snitch or like a massive arse hole, do you?" All I could do was shake my head in response, honestly I was still kind of shook from the previous statement, "Well I better be going then," Laura said before exiting the bathroom.


	3. Pretending to shoot

I walked into form, still completely stoned. My eyes must have been completely bloodshot and all eyes in the room were laid on me. As I looked down I vigorously rubbed my eyes but I guess that just made it so much more obvious that I was completely 420.  
My eyes shot back as I saw Laura sat at the back of the room, giggling discreetly. After walking to the back of the class I sat in the seat next to Laura. In all the time I was stood up, making myself look like a complete cunt and stinking of weed the teacher never noticed; she never did.  
"How fucking much did you smoke?" Laura asked mockingly.  
"Fucking enough," I bragged, still giggling due to being high.  
Laura shook her head and laughed again. Her foot nudged into mine gently, at first I thought that it was just a coincidence however Laura placed her foot to be in contact with mine again, this time lingering. Noticing the game of footsie she was trying to play I pulled my foot away and laughed before lacing my foot over hers. A smile broke over Laura's face, which must have been contagious as soon I was bearing the same smile.  
"You are a complete fucking cunt," Laura joked.  
I made a sarcastic offended, jaw dropped face, "Miss Hollis here, a massive hypocrite, calling me a cunt," as I stuck my middle finger up in her face.  
The bell rang and we both grabbed our bags and left the classroom, heading off in opposite directions.  
I made my way to music. Music had always been my favourite subject. I played bass, electric and acoustic guitar as well as drums but bass guitar was my principal instrument. I remember first picking up a bass when I was eight, I has been playing guitar since I was five but the was something about playing in the bass cleff that I loved. I loved to play rock, pop punk and funk. What can I say, I love heavy distortion and slap bass.  
When I got to class I took my usual seat at the back of the class when a few minutes later Laura walks in and sits next to me. She is carrying a violin case.  
"Just can't get enough of me creampuff?"  
Laura laughed and shook her head.  
"Violin, huh? Sexy!"  
Laura continued to giggle. "So what do you play Karnstein?"  
"Mostly bass guitar but acoustic and electric and drums."  
"Kit or?"  
"Yeah, what else?"  
"I have no fucking clue," Laura answer giggling.  
The teacher began to talk, about the set work we were doing, 'Music for a while' by Henry Purcell, boring. I tapped Laura on the shoulder and brought my hand up to the side of my head and pretended to shoot, crashing my head into the table. Laura laughed.  
I opened up bag and pulled out a clear water bottle, filled with vodka. I brought the bottle up to my lips and took a few swigs. I handed the bottle to Laura who took a conservative sip from the container before she handed it back and once again giggled. I placed the water bottle on the desk and opened by notebook, grabbing a biro with the other hand, beginning to do some actual work.


	4. Redwood forest

I slammed my car door shut loudly and walked up the driveway to the front door. I walked through the door, straight into the living room to see Will sat on the sofa making out with some girl I had never seen before; she had long, blonde hair, tied back into a bun and a lilac t-shirt but that was all I could really see her. As I sighed I walked past the two of them and into the kitchen. 

My hand reached for a mug as I switched the half full kettle on to boil before grabbing a spoon and the bag of instant coffee. I made my coffee black with no sugar before Mattie walked in. 

"Kitty cat," Mattie exclaimed.

"Sup my dude," I ironically replied.   
As Mattie rolled her eyes she asked, "so how was school, Millie?"

In response I just shrugged, "alright I guess, how was work? What did they do this time? Same old shit?" 

Mattie was a lawyer for a nuclear power plant who are always pissing someone off and she had just started to work on another case to defend the company. "You got it in one. Somebody decided it was a great idea to dump three and a half tonnes of nuclear waste in the river at Redwood forest; the environmental report said that it caused a large amount of the wildlife to mutate." 

What? That was my forest, my clearing was only a hundred or so yards away from that clearing. I downed the rest of my coffee and sprinted towards my car with no warning as to where I was going or why. No one knew that I was fond of that clearing. I broke the speed limit driving towards the forest and then I got to the car park about a twenty minute walk away from the clearing which was on the opposite side of the river that the car park backed on to. I had not noticed anything strange about the water when I was there yesterday but then again I never had paid too much attention to the water. I ran towards the river, it was murkier than usual but it was not like I liked to swim in the river too much. Then I grabbed my bag out of my car which contained my weed, vodka, lighter, can of Monster energy drink, speaker, phone and my blanket and then headed out on the walk towards the clearing. It was lovely that all I could hear was birds chirping and the subtle flow of water. The dirt on the ground was dry and dusty; the way I liked it, it was never anywhere near as good after it had rained as the ground was wet and you could not sit on it. I picked a branch up off of the ground and dragged it through the water for a two or three hundred yards, causing a small current to occur. All I could possibly think about was if the clearing was okay, if it was not, nothing would be able to console me, I would be destroyed or in any way damaged at all. As I began to think about this I dropped the stick and ran as fast as I could to the clearing. Out of breath, I eventually reached my beloved clearing, it was fine, nothing harmed in any kind of sense, perfect, just as I had left it. In response to this is pulled out the blanket out of my bag and laid it out on the floor in my usual spot, before lying on it. I took the bottle of vodka out of my bag and then the bag of weed, rolling paper and lighter. With the rolling paper in my hand, I picked a small piece of weed out of the bag and began to roll it up in the paper before sparking the lighter and then smoking it. I could feel the warmth of the spliff on my lips and palms as I inhaled it.


	5. Our Lady Sorrows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on half term so I'll be able to hopefully upload quite a bit more over the next two weeks.

The lunch bell rang and I could not wait to leave class; I picked up my bag and quickly left the room and rushed down the hall, towards the back of the school, where no one ever went. There I was essentially free to do whatever I wanted, alone and not be bothered by anyone. I sat on the concrete and against the brick wall, pulled my phone, headphones and lunch out. Just before I was about the pull the headphones over my ears someone sat next to me, it was Laura.

"Hey Creampuff," I greeted.

"Hey, what you up to?" Laura asked.

"Eating lunch," I reply, holding the sandwich up to her face to make it blatantly obvious and as if she could not already see it. I could feel and hear My chemical Romance loudly blasting through my headphones and Laura could obviously hear it too.

"Mind if I listen to that with you?" Laura asked in response to hearing the music, rubbing her hand down my arm lightly.

I grinned, she was touching me, "sure cupcake."

I grabbed my speaker out of my bag and disconnected the headphones before hooking the speaker up via Bluetooth. The song 'Our Lady Sorrows' began to play loudly through the speaker.

"We could be perfect one last night  
And die like star-crossed lovers when we fight  
And we can settle this affair  
If you would shed your yellow take my hand  
And then we'll solve the mystery of laceration gravity  
This riddle of revenge please understand it has to be this way and  
Stand up fucking tall  
Don't let them see your back  
Take my fucking hand  
And never be afraid again"

I took a bite out of my sandwich and Laura rested her head on my shoulder. I took another bite before placing the bag containing the sandwich on top of my bag and grabbing Laura's face by the chin. Her deep soulful eyes stared into mine and melted my heart, I could feel her pulse through her neck, it skipped a beat, her heart literally skipped a beat and in response, I could feel mine do the same. I smiled sincerely as our faces moved closer together and she smiled back. Our lips met in the middle and it was magical. 

"We've only got once chance to put this at in end  
And cross the patron saint of switchblade fights  
You said we're not celebrities, we spark and fade, they die by threes  
I'll make you understand and you can trade me for an apparition"

My lips cradled her's and I could feel a figurative electric current, flowing between our two bodies. It was passionate but gentle at the same time. I let Laura's tongue enter my mouth and as she did that the taste of strawberries on her breath grew sweeter and stronger. I could taste and smell watermelon Chapstick on her lips, that was making them soft and able to massage my lips back with ease and comfortably. Time seemed to slow down, in the same way, that drugs affected the passing of time. All I could feel was that moment and it felt so fucking amazing. I pulled away and we both smiled before going back in for round two.

"Stand up fucking tall  
Don't let them see your back  
Take my fucking hand  
And never be afraid again  
Trust, you said  
Who put the words in your head  
Oh how wrong we were to think  
That immortality meant never dying  
Stand up fucking tall  
Don't let them see your back  
Take my fucking hand  
And never be afraid again"

The next song on the shuffled playlist began to play, 'Fast Times at Clairemont High' By Pierce The Veil began to play, it seemed kind of fitting, the heavily altered and autotuned line "I've been saving myself for you," playing over and over again, repeating it's self.


	6. Glue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is like the longest chapter yet, I kind of got in a bit of a flow so enjoy. Please leave constructive comments if you wish, I want to make this fic as good as I can.

For the first time in too long, everything felt okay again; the numbness was slowly fading and I was beginning to feel emotions again. I felt like from now on I did not need to rely on drugs or alcohol anymore, well let’s be honest, I probably still need some, nothing could fix me that fast or that much, I was still broken. Despite this I did not feel broken when I was with Laura, she made me feel like a human being, she made me feel special, no she made me feel perfect, fucking perfect. Because she was fucking perfect in my eyes. There could be no one more perfect. Shit, that sounds so fucking cliche. I guess what I am trying to say is that I think that Laura is my glue, sticking my broken pieces together and making me function, whether she is shitty eyelash glue or super glue though I will not find out in till I fall apart again, if I do. I hope she is my super glue. I know that it is early and sounds needy and desperate but fuck it! I have never met someone as stunning and cute as Laura in my entire life.

I am sat in the clearing and I can think. With nothing but my thoughts, it was complete bliss and nobody can tell me otherwise. This time there is nothing to take my mind off of anything: no weed, no alcohol, nothing! All I doing is thinking with my Spotify playlist playing in the background. ‘The Only Hope For Me Is You’ by My Chemical Romance begins to play and I could not describe my feelings better.

“If that's the best that I could be?  
Than I'd be another memory  
Can I be the only hope for you?  
Because you're the only hope for me  
And if we can find where we belong,  
We'll have to make it on our own.  
Face all the burn and take it on  
Because the only hope for me is you alone  
How would you be  
Many as after the disaster that we've seen  
What we have learned  
Of all the people burning  
Purifying flame”

A notification caused my phone to vibrate, I looked down at what it was. Laura had sent me a Facebook friend request and my heart filled with joy. I accepted the request and opened messenger.

Carmilla: Hey Creampuff! ~ Sent at 17:38

Laura: Hi ;) ~ Sent at 17:38

Laura: So what you up to?? ~ Sent at 17:39

Carmilla: Well currently I am sitting in the middle of the woods ~ Sent at 17:41

Laura: What the fuck are you doing in the woods? ~ Sent at 17:42

Carmilla: Listening to music really loudly ~ Sent at 17:42

Carmilla: But mostly just thinking about you ~ Sent at 17:43

Laura: Same <3 ~ Sent at 17:43

Laura: Thinking about you, not me ~ Sent at 17:44

At this I felt a warm sensation, I could not put my finger on what it was, happiness maybe, I do not know, I have not been able to feel in so fucking long, I have forgotten what it is like.

Carmilla: <3 ~ Sent at 17:46

Laura: You want to come over? ~ Sent at 17:49

Carmilla: Of course I fucking do ~ Sent at 17:49

As I packed my stuff back into my bag she sent me her address and I ran towards the car at full speed, I needed to be there as soon as humanly possible. My heart raced and I could not tell if it was because I was so fucking excited or because of the running, probably both.

I opened the car door, got in and slammed it shut behind me before placing my bag in the passenger seat. I pulled out of the parking space and broke the speed limit driving towards Laura’s house, I knew exactly where it was, only a few blocks away from mine. I felt like I did not have time to slow down to connect my phone to the car to play music or turn on the radio, I just drove. All I could feel was that moment.

I pulled up outside the address and exited the car. The house had exterior walls consisting of white wooden slats and had grey slates on the roof, your typical kind of suburban house. I walked up the driveway and onto the porch before ringing the door bell. Laura almost immediately answered the door; she did not even say anything, just grabbed the top of my t-shirt and pulled me across to her soft lips. She kissed me with all the emotion and passion she had and made my heart flutter. I kissed back and opened my lips to grant her tongue entry to my mouth. Laura took this opportunity in a heartbeat and thrust her tongue harshly into my mouth, I could feel that she wanted this just as much as me. I placed my hands on her waist and pulled Laura closer to me. Laura pulled back, taking me with her into the house, not breaking the contact of our lips and I pushed the front door closed so we could have some privacy. Laura gently put her hands on my face and cupped my jawbone whilst smiling as she licked the roof of my mouth, I smiled back. I felt so fucking lucky. She moved her hands up and caressed my ears before stroking my hair with them in the sexiest kind of way. Laura broke the contact with my lips and I could not help but feel a little disappointed.

Laura took my hand, dragged me up the stairs and into her bedroom, as I realised what was happening my body filled up with adrenaline and excitement.


	7. Collarbone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut, that's all I have to say, smut.

Laura placed her hands upon my collarbone and pushed me onto the double bed before climbing on top of me and kissing me. My heart raced and did not slow down. I kissed back and I pulled her t-shirt over her head before she took mine off. We both reached around each other’s backs and unhooked our bras simultaneously and threw them to the floor. I dug my nails into the skin on Laura’s back and lightly dragged them down but not remotely enough to hurt her. Laura rested her palms on the sides of my neck and deepened the kiss, turning me on so much. I pushed my fingertips under the waistband on her jeans and pulled them down with her underwear to her ankles before tossing them on the floor; then she dragged my leather pants down my legs with my lacy black thong and also tossed them onto the floor. I then ran my fingers through Laura’s hair whilst pulling myself closer to her and sliding my left thigh in between her legs, causing her to lightly moan. Then Laura pushed my body back down onto the mattress and my head onto the pillow before sucking on the pulse point on my neck, causing what would later be a vicious love bite. I let her do this and she moved her lips down to my collarbone and did the same. Laura kept making her way down my body until she reached my vagina. Upon reaching there she licked and sucked on my clitoris with her hands resting on my thighs to five her a better angle and I rested mine on her left shoulder and my right hand against her neck. Laura then left my vagina and kissed me again, slightly biting my lip and slipping her pointer and middle finger into my vagina and made a beckoning motion, putting pressure on my vaginal walls and stroking my clitoris with the pad of her thumb. After a few minutes of Laura doing this, I orgasmed, making it clear if a loud and inconsistent moan. Laura lifted herself off of my body and lay on the bed, on top of the duvet next to my naked body, both of us somewhat out of breath.

We then both grabbed our clothes off of the floor and dressed. Once we had done I walked back over to Laura and brought our mouths back together and kissed her, bringing both of my hands underneath her chin, resting my thumbs on her cheeks. In return Laura licked my teeth and placed her hands on my waist, pulling me even closer, adding more depth to the kiss, before pulling away.

“You want to stay a bit longer? Watch some Netflix maybe?” Laura asked.

“Of course I do buttercup,” I replied, smiling.

Laura then turned away and turned the TV on before grabbing the remote on the nightstand. We then both laid on the bed while Laura put Netflix on.

“What do you want to watch?” Laura questioned.

“How about Orange Is The New Black?”

Laura then put on Orange Is The New Black from where she had left off; Season three, Episode seven, glancing over at me to check that was okay and I nodded in response. After the episode started to play I wrapped my right arm around Laura’s stomach and snuggled into her body, with my other hand placed on her shoulder; she snuggled back into me. Laura’s right arm laid around my back and left arm against her side.


	8. Sugar Puss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically shit hits the fan in this chapter, it's short but conveys the message so I hope you enjoy it.

“Where in the sweet fuck have you been Sugar Puss?” Will asked, before he looked at me, as I walked through the door with my hair messy, outfit disorientated and my makeup smeared across my face, and then he looked up at me, “holy shit, who have you been fucking?” 

“None of your fucking business cunt,” I replied, sneering down at Will before walking into the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Mother and Mattie were both sat at the kitchen table, talking when Mattie looked up at me and walked over.

Mattie grabbed me by the chin, forcing me to look up at her, “where have you been Millie?”

In response, I scowled at her and nervously said, “places.”

Mother walked over and stood next to Mattie before laughing, without any hesitation what so ever at my response, “when you think of the lengths I went to to teach you right from wrong you would think that you would be a little less deceptive my darling, Carmilla, or at least would not sleep around.”

“What the hell are you talking about Mother?” I questioned.

“One day you will understand.”

“Do think I am ever going to understand?” I replied, trying not to slap her.

“I think you are a practical girl and that you will see that everything I do and say I do for the best.”

“Again, what are you talking about Mother?”

“She found your little stash under your bed,” Mattie interrupted.

I was horrified, she had found my weed and vodka, great, “oh fuck, ummnn, yeah, ummmn....”

“Oh don’t play innocent, everything I do, I do for the best darling and we must learn to bear it as best we can. Where exactly have you been, at a boy’s house?”

“No, no I have not,” I nervously stated.

Mattie scoffed under her breath, “liar!”

“I’m not lying!” I defensively shouted.

“Your appearance says otherwise,” Mattie teased.

“I’m not lying!” I repeated, “I am not fucking lying! If you must know I was with a girl, okay!”

“Really?” Mother asked.

All I could do was nod when Will walked in and said, “well done on coming out Kitten, we all knew that this day would eventually come.” All the rest of our jaws dropped at what he had said.


	9. Savour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically Carmilla takes Laura on a date to the clearing..

I was sat in music class, next to Laura again; neither of us were particularly listening to what the teacher was talking about, it did not seem too important though nothing felt more important than Laura at that moment. My hand crept over to hers and held it lightly, Laura slightly tickled my hand back with her short, bitten nails and I tickled back with mine which were also bitten down to the skin but painted in black nail polish which was severely chipped. Neither of us were taking any notes and Laura had nuzzled her head into my neck and snuggled into my side.

“Hey,” Laura started, “do you maybe want to go on a date or something sometime soon?”

“Of course,” I responded, “as long as I get to take you out. How about tonight?”

Laura nodded and snuggled back into my side, her hand around my waist.

~~~~~

I led Laura out to my car and we both got in before I hooked my phone up to the radio to play my Spotify playlist. I pulled out of the parking space and drove.

“Where are you taking me?” Laura asked.

“It’s a surprise,” I responded and Laura gave me I smile, causing me to laugh, “trust me okay.”

After five or so minutes of driving I reached the car park at the woods that contained the clearing and pulled up into my usual parking space, Laura gave me the same scowl again.

“Again trust me, I’m not going to murder you cupcake!” Laura scowled once again which I guess I deserved that time, I probably deserved it every time now I think about it. I grabbed Laura by the chin and kissed her lips slowly, savouring the sweet moment but not entering her mouth with my tongue.

I grabbed my bag off of the back seat and both of us exited the car and I grabbed Laura by the hand to lead her to the clearing. This time she pulled me by the wrist into another kiss, this time was deeper but both were equally as incredibly passionate. Laura’s lips were coated in a sugary tasting strawberry lip balm, the kind I noticed she always wore, I had grown to love the taste of it, before I met Laura I would have despised the smell and taste of strawberry lip balm but she was wearing it. I licked the inside of Laura’s incisors and she playfully repeated the action on mine.

Then I led Laura down across the passage beside the river and towards the clearing. I kicked the branches and leaves on the dirt out of the way so that Laura would have a clear pathway and would not trip like I often did; it is never a nice feeling face palming into the dirt on the ground, being forced to inhale the bone dry dust. Laura clutched my left hand tightly, almost crushing it as we walked parallel to the river, clearly scared that she would slip and fall into the body of water, it was cute.

When we finally reached the clearing I opened my bag and pulled my plaid blanket out which I laid on the ground in the usual spot, we both then sat down on the rug and snuggled into each other. My hand rested in Laura’s hair and I wrapped my arm around her.


	10. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laura discovers something about Carmilla who does not react too well. Trigger warning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to note that I have started a collection of one-shot ficlets, inspired by songs, I would greatly appreciate it if you would take the time to check that out.

I was about to go meet Laura and I was getting ready. I applied my eyeliner with a thick and with a sharp wing in front of the mirror on my black dressing table before applying three thick layers of mascara, purposely letting them clump into what somewhat resembled spider legs. My make-up was now done and I put on my black, baggy hoodie rolling the sleeves up, turning them up twice to create a cuff; I then put on three rubber wristbands and a black cuff with silver studs on each wrist to cover my self-harm scars though before this I traced over the pink, healing scars with my finger. There were too many to remember when each one was from or the story behind them though you could get an indication of this from how healed the scar looked. In all though they had a similar back story, everything felt numb, you know the song Iris, well the lyrics: “when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive” I describe how I feel perfectly. I always felt that music conveyed the emotions that words and actions could not, I guess that is part of the reason why I love playing the bass guitar so much. No one had ever seen my scars, I never let them. Laura did not see them when I slept with her because I did not take my wristbands off but she must have guessed what was going off beneath them from that.

The walls were painted a dark wine red and the ceiling black, the carpet was also black but there were so many stains in it from my almost white foundation. The curtains were black as well, not allowing any light in when I had them closed which they were at the moment, all of the colours in my room meant that it would always be gloomy whether the lights were on or not but to a slightly lesser extent with the curtains open.

I picked up my phone and sent Laura a text to let her know that I would be walking over soon. I grabbed my bag up, which for the record was a black backpack covered in pyramid studs, slinging it over my shoulder and I left my room. I placed my headphones on my head and began to listen to the music on my phone on the way over. I was walking because of the short distance between our houses, a ten-minute walk maybe, it would take longer for me to get in my car, drive over and get out than walk.

I knocked on the front door of Laura’s house a fairly quickly she answered, she was home alone again.

Without words, we both then went up to Laura’s bedroom. Laura began to kiss me before parting our lips to look at me to gain my consent to which I desperately nodded. I lifted Laura’s t-shirt over her head and then it was her turn to undress me though she pulled all the wristbands innocently off of my left wrist, not realising. Laura looked down and freaked out, she had seen my scars. I grabbed my wristbands out of Laura’s hand and desperately began to put them back on.

“Carm?” Laura’s voice trembled.

I ran out of the room and then the house before she had the chance to say another word. I ran back home to my car so that I could go to the clearing; that way I would be able to clear my head.


	11. Swerve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is short I know but it gets everything across that I wanted it to.

I was lying on my blanket in the clearing once again with a bottle of vodka in my right hand and a lit joint in my left. As I brought the joint up to my lips I took a drag of it and then took a large swig of the vodka. About half of the vodka was left in the previously full bottle and the joint was slowly becoming shorted so I must have been pretty stoned and far drunker. I began to feel bad about leaving Laura like that and I wanted to explain so foolishly I stumbled back to my car to go and apologise. My head was spinning and persisted when I got into the car. I fumbled around with the keys, jabbing them around until I finally managed to insert them into the ignition before I pulled off.

I was shaking violently though for some reason I ignored it; my feet were almost vibrating, causing the cars speed to go from slow to fast frequently. Everything was sweaty and I could feel the beads of sweat dripping down my forehead.

Suddenly I lost control of the car swerving off of the road and into a tree! My head hit the steering wheel as the airbags had failed to activate and the windscreen shattered. The glass penetrated my face and arms causing blood to flow from the wounds and gather up in the foot well. There was this tremendous pain and then everything gradually went black as I lost consciousness.


	12. Hospital beds and IVs

Suddenly I regained consciousness and felt a sharp, crippling pain shoot through my ribcage. I could feel the needle from the IV which had penetrated my hand.Someone was holding my hand, their hand was soft and warm, sending a tingling feeling throughout my body; it felt nice and relieved some of the pain a little bit. I opened my eyes and looked to my right where Laura was sat, she was the one holding my hand, gripping it tightly like she did not want to let go.

“I’m sorry cupcake,” I state with a tremendous amount of sincerity and I slight smile on my face, “I overreacted.”

“It’s okay Carm, you don't need to explain yourself,” Laura replied, she smiled back in return before she leant down to kiss my cheek, “but I don’t think your Mom is too pleased.”

My Mother must have heard us talking and burst into the room with a great deal of anger, her brow bone was raised and the lines on her forehead were far more pronounced and defined than I had ever seen them before; there are no signs of sympathy, care or love in her expression. “Do you want to explain what you were doing driving drunk and high? Never mind where you got the drugs and alcohol or why you were using them.”

All I could do was try and shrug in response but I could not move my shoulders, my mind had gone completely blank as to what to say to explain the situation, “I don’t know.” Laura tightened her grasp on my hand as to comfort me.

“What the fuck do you mean ‘I don’t know’?” Mother was angry, so fucking angry, “I try to raise you to be a good responsible girl and you slap me in the face with this? What would your father think of this.” I saw tear well up in Mother’s eye and she ran out of the room, slamming the door loudly on her way out, I could not see what she did after that.

Mother never brought up my Dad. After he died it was a difficult topic to talk about for all of us. I felt tears begin to stream down my face. I loved my Dad more than anything and hated that he had been taken from me so early and in such a horrible way. He died in a crash caused by a drunk driver; how dare she bring him up? It shortly after his death that my mental illness started and when I started to self-harm, she knew that talking about him was a sure-fire way to make me feel like absolute fucking shit.

“Are you okay Carm?” Laura asked innocently.

“Of course I’m fucking not!” I shout, by know my face is flooded with tears, “I’m sorry Cupcake.”

Laura brings her face down to mine and gives my a momentary peck on the lips.

“That made me feel a little bit better,” I say pulling her back down for a longer, more passionate kiss.

I guess that Laura is my super glue! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that this was a nice ending to fic as to not make it too long or drag on and was a natural place to stop. This was how I planned this ending right from the start and I'm sorry for any frustration the cliffhanger in the last chapter caused I hope I resolved that.


End file.
